What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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