that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
