Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize