You made me cry and you don't even care
I faked an abortion last night.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
