Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
