I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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