I accidentally burped into my bong.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize