I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
