just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
