Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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