I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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