So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
