Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
