do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
