at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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