Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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