so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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