I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
