obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You're earring is so big in my mouth
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
