does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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