don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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