there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
