Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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