My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
People in love make me want to vomit
He kissed a someone with a penis
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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