Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize