oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.