I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
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Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it