how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
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Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.