I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
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He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....