I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
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How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
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I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.