the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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