I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
