Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
