Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
