He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
