I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
