They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
