Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
