I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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