Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
