I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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