I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
