it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
