i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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