Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
