my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
