i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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