I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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