I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
