So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He did a backflip because drugs
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
