I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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