We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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