oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
