What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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