So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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