I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
