ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize