So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
