she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
vagina is talking i cant
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
