Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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