I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
