I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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