Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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