I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
