we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
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Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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