girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
