You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
All I want is dick and wine.
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