Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize