This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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