eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
