After last night, I could never be a politician.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
