You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
