My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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