I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
