My room smells like vodka and shame
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
