i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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