So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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